should i stay or should i... oh you know the song.

portland, oakland, or nashville. these are the choices i'm currently rolling around in, trying each on for size.

at present, i live in portland. i love it here for a number of reasons, and those reasons would be hard to replicate in the other two, or really anywhere else (i think). i am trying to move over to eating seasonally/locally, and there are many people here who do the same. so there are options here, not strip malls and take-out and mass-produced meat and dairy products. recycling doesn't seem to be as big in other parts of the country, although oakland does pick up compost. the affordable housing still exists here. and the weather, save a nasty snow storm or two, is pretty idyllic.

i would consider oakland because of the in-law apartment opening up in my sister's house come september. i need to get into school full time so that i can finally dedicate time and attention to moving forward with life instead of being bitter. sitting still. i am not able or willing to work full time and do school as well; it's too much. for me, anyway. i have a lot of friends across the bay bridge in sf, so that would be good, but also bad - they're temptresses, all of them, and i would likely follow the siren song across that bridge more often than i should. plus, my sister and her husband and kids have a less than ideal situation within their own family unit, and i'm afraid i'd get pulled in.

my mother is planning to move back to nashville this year, and has offered to let me live with her when she does. i loved nashville when i was there. long time ago, but still. i have a few friends there. it's closer to my brother, father, aunt & uncle, half-brother, and the friends i have in atlanta. not to mention closer to europe. i might actually make it over there if i lived a bit closer. but the thought of living with my mother makes me want to rip my hair out. i don't know if it would be possible. and there would be less privacy, since we'd be in the same space; at least at my sister's there's a separate entrance and it's completely private.

obviously, i'm not making any hasty decisions. i move a lot, and i'm tired of it. i love it here and would have to leave only for the very best of reasons. of course, portland will always be here, and i can always come back. right? right.